In a relationship, friendship or at work Breadcrumbing’ is a subtle manipulation technique used to create a one-sided relationship. Here’s how to spot it.
In the world of modern dating, new terms and trends seem to emerge constantly. “Breadcrumbing” is one such trend that can be perplexing and emotionally draining for those on the receiving end. Breadcrumbing refers to a situation where someone gives you just enough attention or communication to keep you interested, without any genuine commitment or intention to pursue a real relationship. In this article, we will explore how to tell if you’re being breadcrumbed and what to do about it.
There are few things worse than feeling disappointed. The big opportunity you were made to get excited about suddenly evaporates, or the new relationship you thought was really gaining traction vanishes into thin air.
“Bread crumbing’ involves leading someone on, and keeping their hopes up through small and superficial acts of interest. A “bread crumber” might be flirtatious, complimentary or seem engaged with you at first, but will ultimately end up disappointing you with empty promises and emotional abandonment.
“Bread crumbing” isn’t just limited to relationships. It can happen in the workplace, within families, friendships and on social media.
However, the good news is that there are some key signs that make it easy to spot.
Writing for Psychology Today, communication professor Preston Ni shares the five most obvious signs of breadcrumbing, and what to do if you experience them.
The relationship is like an emotional roller coaster
If someone in your life is constantly blowing hot and cold, that can take an emotional toll. “Those at the receiving end of breadcrumbing often experience an emotional roller coaster: disappointed most of the time, with occasional false hope, along with confusion and self-doubt,” writes Li.
He suggests that often victims of breadcrumbing begin to question and blame themselves after experiencing the neglect, wondering what they did to provoke the other person’s distance.
You find yourself changing your behavior when looking for the next ‘crumb’
As humans, we crave validation, but if you find yourself dramatically altering how you feel or act to ‘stay on side’ with someone else, it’s an indication of a very one-sided relationship.
As Li puts it: “In many cases, “bread crumbing” may affect relational dependence, where the victim keeps looking for the bread crumber to dangle the next morsel of false hope to maintain the illusion of positive relationship.
“Some victims of “bread crumbing” may try harder to please and prove their worth, without receiving genuine acknowledgement and reciprocation in return.”
You always seem to be waiting for something from the other person
When you’re being “bread crumbed”, because you’re so dependent on the other person’s whim, you might often find yourself waiting – for the “bread crumber” to text or call, to follow-through on a long held promise, or to finally show commitment in a relationship. This is never a nice experience, and can lead to greater feelings of rejection or inadequacy.
“In this waiting game, an unhealthy and inequitable dynamic is created. The “bread crumber” holds the power of attention, acceptance and approval, while the victim surrenders their power of priority, independence and self-respect,” explains Li.
You know you’re being used and feel manipulated – but you’re in denial
Deep down, many victims of breadcrumbing know that they are being led on and strung along, says Li. “However, some may continue to stay in the relationship to avoid facing the painful truth that the breadcrumber really doesn’t care, and for fear of losing false security.”
If you find yourself in this situation, Li advises asking yourself: “Do I deserve better than the way I’m being treated in this relationship?”
The answer is almost definitely yes, and it may be time to consider distancing yourself unless healthier boundaries can be negotiated.
You feel lonely and empty within the relationship
Feeling let down by someone you care about is hard to experience. According to Li, the outcome of all of the conditions above is that the victim of persistent breadcrumbing often feels loneliness, discouragement, depression, and perhaps most of all, emptiness.
1. Infrequent and Inconsistent Communication:
One of the primary signs of breadcrumbing is infrequent and inconsistent communication. The person breadcrumbing you may send sporadic messages, often with long gaps in between. They might reach out with a simple “Hey, how are you?” or a casual compliment, but when it comes to deeper conversations or making concrete plans to meet, they always seem unavailable or disinterested. This inconsistent communication can leave you feeling like you’re on the hook, waiting for their attention, and can be emotionally frustrating (Bishop, 2019).
2. Lack of Commitment:
Another key indicator of breadcrumbing is a lack of commitment. The person doing the breadcrumbing may avoid discussing the future or defining the relationship. They keep things vague and ambiguous, which can make you feel uncertain about where you stand with them. If you bring up the idea of commitment or try to initiate a serious conversation about the relationship, they may deflect or become evasive. This lack of commitment is a clear sign that they’re not truly interested in building a meaningful connection (Raypole, 2021).
3. Mixed Signals and Excuses:
Breadcrumbing often involves sending mixed signals and offering excuses. The person breadcrumbing you might tell you they’re busy with work, dealing with personal issues, or just not ready for a serious relationship. However, they continue to engage with you when it’s convenient for them, leaving you feeling puzzled and hurt. They might also send occasional signals of interest or affection, just enough to keep your hopes up, but never enough to commit fully. These mixed signals and excuses can be emotionally exhausting (Cotton, 2018).
Being breadcrumbed in a relationship can be emotionally taxing and confusing. It’s essential to recognize the signs and trust your instincts if you suspect that you’re in such a situation. Breadcrumbing often results from someone’s reluctance to fully commit or a desire to keep their options open. If you find yourself in this predicament, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being and consider whether you want to continue investing time and energy in a relationship that may not be reciprocated. Open and honest communication is key; if the other person is not willing to commit or provide clarity, it may be time to reevaluate your connection.
References:
Bishop, E. (2019). 6 signs you’re being breadcrumbed in a relationship. Bustle. https://www.bustle.com/p/6-signs-youre-being-breadcrumbed-in-a-relationship-18511404.
Raypole, C. (2021). What Is Breadcrumbing? Healthline. https://www.healthline.com/health/breadcrumbing
Cotton, B. (2018). Why breadcrumbing is the worst dating trend. Elite Daily. https://www.elitedaily.com/p/why-breadcrumbing-is-the-worst-dating-trend-according-to-experts-8088228